12 Months After Ending My Sobriety

I was sober for a year between August 2016 – August 2017. You can read about that experience by clicking here. It was incredibly tough and yet I learnt nothing from it. Weird, right? Now a year later I look back on that experience and see where I sit 12 months later.

I sit here writing on a Monday night with a beer in hand. Not because I enjoy the taste or deserve the day off, but because it’s the only way I know how to relax. My weekends are great, I’m back at the gym 3 days a week after almost 12 months away and yet I’m planning my life around the days I can get fucked up. Why? I have no idea. I’ll watch a comedian fuck up on stage and eventually apologize citing stress. I’ll see a YouTube channel sell out and say that they’re experiencing depression. I’ll disappoint myself on a daily basis and come out empty-handed. I have no excuses. Why did you do X, Mat? I’m not sure. Why did you do Y, Mat? Fucked if I know, I just did it.

You see, back in 2016 I saw alcohol as the common denominator. I fucked up X, and alcohol was the Y. I destroyed Y and booze was X. What I didn’t know was that X & Y weren’t the only letters we were dealing with, we were dealing with the entire fucking alphabet. Correlation does not imply causation. I cut out my X’s & Y’s without touching the A’s, B’s, C’s and so on. I had lost my way. I had blinkers on trying to narrow my focus when I should have been exploring all of the different leads. Basically I went at it alone, thought I knew everything & it all blew up in my face.

I talk to you as a group but please indulge me as I address you as a person. This year has been really tough. I’ve been distant & I’ve been still which I apologize for. I’ve had deadlines and countdowns that just haven’t worked even though I tried my hardest to keep them. I really enjoy talking with you. If you were here, I would drop everything I was doing and engage with you. I’ve fucked up time & time again in the past but I do believe there’s hope in the future.

Now I come back to you guys trying my hardest to give a positive update. I can’t say that I have a million different products and ideas.  I can’t say that it’s all smooth sailing from here on out. All I can say is that we’re still working on wacky waving man & we’re into some really deep R&D and I’m hoping that this year we can release something to the public. Wacky Waving Man is going to be the most over-engineered, fun, useless product on the market so please don’t miss out.

If you’re wanting to stay up to date with wacky waving man, click here.

 

Mat

2 Comments

Ilya

about 1 month ago

Glad to have you back Mat! It's always interesting when you think "if I get rid of X, Y will be better" and then realize than Y wasn't only because of X, but because of A, B, C and a letter that you can't find no matter how hard you try. No need to apologize IMO. Your life is your life & everyone has shit to deal with. Appreciate the transparency!

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Mat

about 1 month ago

Appreciate you reading.

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